So the story is as follows. I work in a corporate environment and have been excelling at my job. During my time at work, I became what I would call close friends with a coworker. We began having increasingly deep, personal and vulnerable conversations with each other about past trauma, feelings, emotions, and such. They had folded me into their group of friends, some of whom work at the company and some of whom do not. This has been the most social support I have had ever in my life and during this period I was encouraged by my group of friends make significant improvements on my self. I developed hobbies I’ve dreamed of doing. I have achieved physical goals I thought I was not capable of. I was encouraged to distance myself from toxic friends and family that were clearly causing obvious stress in my life. So on.

Now I want to enter another piece of information into this story. I have for years been self harming. As I’ve entered this fold of friends I met at work – I had slowed down this habit, but has occasionally persisted. I believe it’s related to feeling of shame that I do feel more strongly.

Not too long ago I was texting this friend. We both had a very bad month. They were diagnosed with an allergy that had made them sad and was dealing with relationship issues. I was recovering from a week where I had the flu and had my furnace break down and had to fight with my landlord to fix which included multiple days of being in a freezing environment with the flu. We both were exhausted. Were were joking about something silly between us when I made what I believed to be a sarcastic remark in regard to my little knowledge of cars. They took it as an attack on their interests and had shut down and said they don’t appreciate me acting that way. I understood the damage I had done and felt bad about and apologized. Unfortunately in that process I did self harm. I was mad at myself for hurting a friend who was having an incredible rough time and contributing when I wanted to be a safe place for them.

At work the next day we were messaging each other like we always do, and even made plans to make a craft that weekend, when I suddenly had symptoms related to my self harm crop up. I told them I wasn’t feeling well and they were supportive. Then they asked if I had done this to myself. I hesitated long enough that I had to say yes. Then they followed up with was it in response to them being upset the previous night. I said yes but tried to clarify it was directly at me and they weren’t at fault. I left and ended up in the ER for a significant portion of time.

The next day I sent out an apology via text for everything and told them I was planning on seeking help and that I understand if they need distance from me. I had said everything was my fault and they should feel no blame for what happened. It was my bad reaction that caused the problem. Not their action of calling out something they didnt appreciate. I again told them I understand if I need to give them space and won’t approach them until they are ready if that day comes. At work I received no messaging from them. We had been talking daily since we met so this was unusual. Then I saw some of my friends who were mutual friends. One said hi and then awkwardly stopped part way though and kept on walking. One saw me and turned the opposite direction and walked away. Later in the day my boss pulled me into HRs office.

My friend had left an anonymous tip. The HR person expressed that I had self harmed, that they feel like the caused it, and that they have requested I give them space. I was told that maybe some time in the future, I could reach out to this person and make amends. This was anonymous so the HR person didn’t know who had left the tip. I admitted to everything and was asked to tell the story and I was upfront and honest. I was given some resources EAP resources and discussed the possibility of me going to therapy. I left and was given the rest of the day off. I had some vacation time scheduled for the following days unrelated these events, so I haven’t been in office since and will return next Monday.

I think other people in my group of friends know. None have reached out to me or spoken to me since the incident any time I’ve seen them they have avoided me.

I am terrified of going in Monday. And I have the following concerns that I am wondering if anyone could enlighten me on:

1. Can I get fired from these actions? If the other person feels uncomfortable with my actions will it result in me getting fired. They work in a different organization at my work (so different directors), but we have occasionally worked together on projects. Some of the friends who I think know are in the same organization. I don’t know and I’m scared. I am relying on this jobs resources for help and I’m scared I’m going to lose those as well as my income for rent.

2. If I do get fired – will this incident be a stain on my resume. I’m young in my career, but have excelled at y job and have gotten multiple promotions and am leading a project and am in the process of being assigned the lead of one of the incoming projects at my work. But despite that I am still young. I’m worried if I am fired I will struggle to find another job. I work in a fairly competitive field. How likely would this be a problem going forward?

3. If I don’t get fired – any advice on how to work going forward. My HR representative said that maybe when the time is right I should reach out to this friend and make amends and walked me though how I should apologize. I’m not sure if it’s even the right choice to reach out to this person again. I’m afraid I will hurt them even more and make work feel even worse for them. I don’t know what to do here

4. I fear people know now. I didn’t intend on leaving this company – like I said, I excelled at what I do and have made a name for myself to the point where PMs have specifically asked for me when problems have come up. I’m worried that if this spreads out that my relationship with everyone will permanently change. Does anyone have advice for how to navigate this?

5. Any advice period. I have been panicking and having a hard time. These friends had become my support networking because my prior one wasn’t great and now I have no one else to turn to for help and I’m scared. Just anything would help. And I’m scared for having caused damage to my friend who I care a lot about it’s a lot to take in. I am safe and doing okay but it’s still a lot of emotions and I’m struggling to process them all.

If this topic is too heavy for this subreddit please remove. I couldn’t tell from the rules but I understand if it is.

So the story is as follows. I work in a corporate environment and have been excelling at my job. During my time at work, I became what I would call close friends with a coworker. We began having increasingly deep, personal and vulnerable conversations with each other about past trauma, feelings, emotions, and such. They had folded me into their group of friends, some of whom work at the company and some of whom do not. This has been the most social support I have had ever in my life and during this period I was encouraged by my group of friends make significant improvements on my self. I developed hobbies I’ve dreamed of doing. I have achieved physical goals I thought I was not capable of. I was encouraged to distance myself from toxic friends and family that were clearly causing obvious stress in my life. So on.

Now I want to enter another piece of information into this story. I have for years been self harming. As I’ve entered this fold of friends I met at work – I had slowed down this habit, but has occasionally persisted. I believe it’s related to feeling of shame that I do feel more strongly.

Not too long ago I was texting this friend. We both had a very bad month. They were diagnosed with an allergy that had made them sad and was dealing with relationship issues. I was recovering from a week where I had the flu and had my furnace break down and had to fight with my landlord to fix which included multiple days of being in a freezing environment with the flu. We both were exhausted. Were were joking about something silly between us when I made what I believed to be a sarcastic remark in regard to my little knowledge of cars. They took it as an attack on their interests and had shut down and said they don’t appreciate me acting that way. I understood the damage I had done and felt bad about and apologized. Unfortunately in that process I did self harm. I was mad at myself for hurting a friend who was having an incredible rough time and contributing when I wanted to be a safe place for them.

At work the next day we were messaging each other like we always do, and even made plans to make a craft that weekend, when I suddenly had symptoms related to my self harm crop up. I told them I wasn’t feeling well and they were supportive. Then they asked if I had done this to myself. I hesitated long enough that I had to say yes. Then they followed up with was it in response to them being upset the previous night. I said yes but tried to clarify it was directly at me and they weren’t at fault. I left and ended up in the ER for a significant portion of time.

The next day I sent out an apology via text for everything and told them I was planning on seeking help and that I understand if they need distance from me. I had said everything was my fault and they should feel no blame for what happened. It was my bad reaction that caused the problem. Not their action of calling out something they didnt appreciate. I again told them I understand if I need to give them space and won’t approach them until they are ready if that day comes. At work I received no messaging from them. We had been talking daily since we met so this was unusual. Then I saw some of my friends who were mutual friends. One said hi and then awkwardly stopped part way though and kept on walking. One saw me and turned the opposite direction and walked away. Later in the day my boss pulled me into HRs office.

My friend had left an anonymous tip. The HR person expressed that I had self harmed, that they feel like the caused it, and that they have requested I give them space. I was told that maybe some time in the future, I could reach out to this person and make amends. This was anonymous so the HR person didn’t know who had left the tip. I admitted to everything and was asked to tell the story and I was upfront and honest. I was given some resources EAP resources and discussed the possibility of me going to therapy. I left and was given the rest of the day off. I had some vacation time scheduled for the following days unrelated these events, so I haven’t been in office since and will return next Monday.

I think other people in my group of friends know. None have reached out to me or spoken to me since the incident any time I’ve seen them they have avoided me.

I am terrified of going in Monday. And I have the following concerns that I am wondering if anyone could enlighten me on:

1. Can I get fired from these actions? If the other person feels uncomfortable with my actions will it result in me getting fired. They work in a different organization at my work (so different directors), but we have occasionally worked together on projects. Some of the friends who I think know are in the same organization. I don’t know and I’m scared. I am relying on this jobs resources for help and I’m scared I’m going to lose those as well as my income for rent.

2. If I do get fired – will this incident be a stain on my resume. I’m young in my career, but have excelled at y job and have gotten multiple promotions and am leading a project and am in the process of being assigned the lead of one of the incoming projects at my work. But despite that I am still young. I’m worried if I am fired I will struggle to find another job. I work in a fairly competitive field. How likely would this be a problem going forward?

3. If I don’t get fired – any advice on how to work going forward. My HR representative said that maybe when the time is right I should reach out to this friend and make amends and walked me though how I should apologize. I’m not sure if it’s even the right choice to reach out to this person again. I’m afraid I will hurt them even more and make work feel even worse for them. I don’t know what to do here

4. I fear people know now. I didn’t intend on leaving this company – like I said, I excelled at what I do and have made a name for myself to the point where PMs have specifically asked for me when problems have come up. I’m worried that if this spreads out that my relationship with everyone will permanently change. Does anyone have advice for how to navigate this?

5. Any advice period. I have been panicking and having a hard time. These friends had become my support networking because my prior one wasn’t great and now I have no one else to turn to for help and I’m scared. Just anything would help. And I’m scared for having caused damage to my friend who I care a lot about it’s a lot to take in. I am safe and doing okay but it’s still a lot of emotions and I’m struggling to process them all.

If this topic is too heavy for this subreddit please remove. I couldn’t tell from the rules but I understand if it is.